Free webinar for parents

How to handle stealing and lying in children with ADHD

Q: Will this work if my child has been diagnosed with ODD?

Yes. ODD describes a pattern of behaviors, and this approach gives you a step-by-step plan to respond to those behaviors effectively, so your child builds skills and learns how capable they are.

Q: What if my child has been described as having Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)?

Rather than working around your child's challenges, this approach is based on evidence and builds your child's capacity. As their capacity grows, so does their confidence, and they learn how capable they are.

Q: Will this work for a child diagnosed with autism or AuDHD?

Yes. A diagnosis doesn't decide whether your child can build skills. What matters is that you have a step-by-step plan to respond to behavior effectively, in a way that isn't shaming or punitive. This plan is built on years of work with children with higher-verbal autism, AuDHD, and ADHD with anxiety, and it's what helps them learn how capable they are.

Q: Will talk therapy help with lying or stealing?

Lying and stealing are not an insight issue, so no amount of talking will improve them. No form of therapy is an evidence-based treatment for children with ADHD. Parent Behavior Training is the recommended treatment for children with ADHD, based on the American Academy of Pediatrics' treatment guidelines, and its positive effects tend to persist.

Q: Does lying or stealing mean my child will become a criminal?

No. These behaviors are not a reflection of your child's character or your parenting. They're a reflection of where your child's brain development, maturity, and executive function age are right now. This will improve with time, but even with a plan in place, it can take a long time.

Q: What do I get when I sign up?

The full 48-minute webinar replay, including questions from current ADHD Dude members and Ryan's answers, plus the downloadable PDF slides.

Learn a step-by-step plan for handling stealing and lying before, in the moment, and after, in a way that's not shaming or punitive.

Hosted by Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW · Creator of The Confident Parents, Capable Kids Method by ADHD Dude

Stealing and lying are rarely a moral issue

Stealing and lying can be some of the most concerning behaviors for a parent of a child with ADHD. They can leave you feeling powerless about how to address them, and many parents feel like their child has an empathy problem or hasn't internalized their family values. Neither of those is accurate.

Stealing and lying are not a reflection of your child's character or your parenting. They are behaviors rooted in lagging and inconsistent use of executive function skills.

Stealing, and the argument vortex that follows

Your child takes money from your wallet, or a sibling's things, without asking. Asking why, trying to force an admission, or playing armchair therapist is likely to escalate your child and doesn't lead anywhere productive, because stealing is not an insight issue.

When lying is added, the argument vortex starts.

"You took it." "No, I didn't."

The back and forth doesn't get anywhere.

A parent and child in a tense conversation at home

When stealing and lying continue

They can happen outside of the home, with peers, at school, and in the community.

There can be social ramifications with peers: other children may not respect your child, may not take them seriously, and may not want to be friends because they feel they can't trust them.

A child sitting apart from a group of peers

How you respond is what changes the behavior

Figuring out why won't change the behavior. How you respond to it will.

Punishments do not change lying in the future, and neither do consequences given out of anger. What you need is proactive parenting: a plan for what to do before, in the moment, and after.

Your guide

I've lived this as a parent, and worked with it my entire career.

I'm Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW. I'm the father of a now-adult son who was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. The mistakes I made with how I handled his lying influence what I teach parents, because I did not handle his lying in a way that improved it.

I spent years as a school social worker inside special education schools and as a therapist who specialized solely in ADHD and autism, working with many students and families where lying and stealing were issues at different ages. I've presented multiple times at the International Conference on ADHD on improving behavior and emotional regulation.

ADHD Dude Parent Behavior Training gives you a step-by-step plan for handling stealing and lying in a way that's not shaming or punitive.

20,000+
Families supported

50+
Countries

Here's how it works

Enter your name and email

Watch the webinar and download the slides

Start using the strategies at home

Inside the webinar

What you'll learn

✓ Why children with ADHD steal

✓ How to handle stealing before, in the moment, and after

✓ Why children with ADHD lie

✓ How to handle lying before, in the moment, and after

✓ How lying to peers is different from lying to family

✓ Takeaways and action steps

What you get

The full webinar replay
48 minutes, including Q&A from parents.

Downloadable PDF slides
Print them to help you put the strategies into practice.

Send me the webinar & slides

What changes when you have a plan

Out of the argument vortex

You and your child are no longer in the argument vortex about telling the truth.

Accountability

Your child learns accountability for their choices.

Privileges tied to trust

Your child understands that privileges earned are tied to not lying or stealing.

Proactive, not reactive

You know what to do before, in the moment, and after.

Get the free webinar and slides

When you change how you respond to lying and stealing, your child learns that trust is earned by the choices they make. That's when your child begins to recognize how capable they are.

Send me the webinar & slides

Why do children with ADHD steal?

Stealing can be impulsive, with little forethought. Your child may want something now and can't imagine waiting for it. In some cases, a child feels entitled to something. A sense of entitlement isn't an ADHD-related behavior, but many children with ADHD develop one. Many loving, attentive parents have naturally fallen into a pattern called parental accommodation, which is when parents change their own behavior to avoid or alleviate their child's temporary distress. Whether it's done out of love, fear, or both, over time the child learns the family revolves around keeping them calm or happy. Children can also unlearn a sense of entitlement. The webinar shows you how.

Why do children with ADHD lie?

There's not one reason, and sometimes there's more than one. Lying can be impulsive, done with no forethought. Your child may not be thinking about the potential consequences of the lie. They may have inconsistent use of internal dialogue, the brain voice that asks, "Should I tell the truth about this?" They may struggle with episodic memory, so they don't remember how it felt the last time they got in trouble for lying. Lying can also be a novelty-seeking behavior. The webinar shows you how to handle it before, in the moment, and after.

Does punishment stop an ADHD child from stealing or lying?

Punishment doesn't promote truth-telling. Children were less likely to tell the truth when they were afraid of being punished than when they were asked to tell the truth to please an adult or because it was the right thing to do. Harshly punitive environments foster more dishonesty, and children become better at lying to hide what they did. With stealing, what helps is a cleanup: putting the item back by a certain time, doing extra chores to pay for it, or making amends by doing something nice for the person. This teaches accountability and repair in relationships. The webinar shows you how.

Sources: Talwar, Arruda & Yachison, 2015, Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. Talwar & Lee, 2011, Child Development.

Send me the free webinar