Improving Behavior in Your ADHD Child When You Have ADHD | Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW, ADHD Dude
If you have ADHD and you are raising a child with ADHD, parenting can feel exhausting in ways that are hard to explain to anyone else.
You can love your child and still feel worn down by daily struggles with getting ready, following through, and managing big emotions. You may know what you want to do, but in stressful moments, it is harder to stay consistent.
It means your ADHD can make consistency and emotional regulation more challenging under pressure.
When families use clear routines and simple rules, life runs more smoothly. Kids know what is expected. Parents do not have to talk, remind, and argue all day.
How do you improve behavior when both you and your child have ADHD?
When both you and your child have ADHD, behavior improves when daily routines are clear, expectations are visible, and rewards and consequences happen the same day. This reduces arguing, lowers stress, and helps both of you follow through more easily.
Why parenting feels harder when you have ADHD
ADHD makes it harder to remember things, stay organized, and stay steady when stress hits.
When both you and your child have ADHD, the day can feel busy and unpredictable. You may start with a plan and watch it fall apart.
That does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It means the way most parenting advice is written does not match how your brain works.
You do not need to become a different person. You need routines that support you when things get hard.
The ADHD Dude Framework
The ADHD Dude Framework is an evidence-informed Parent Behavior Training Program designed for parents who have ADHD themselves.
It is based on parenting methods that have been shown to work, but it is adapted so they are easier to use when memory, follow-through, and emotional control are harder to maintain.
Instead of asking you to remember everything or stay calm all the time, it uses clear routines and simple rules so both you and your child know what is expected.
The ADHD Dude Framework includes:
- Daily expectations for behavior and cooperation
- Same-day rewards that motivate kids with ADHD
- Less arguing and fewer power struggles
- Clear cause and effect for actions
- Simple, direct instructions
These pieces work together to make home life more predictable and less exhausting.
Strategy 1: Reduce prompt dependence and build independence
Many parents with ADHD end up reminding, nudging, and repeating all day. Over time, kids learn to wait for you rather than do things on their own. This is called prompt-dependence.
It shows up as repeated reminders, constant verbal cues, and hovering to get things done. The way out is to move responsibility from your voice to something your child can see.
This means:
- Changing how language is used
- Using visual expectations
- Reducing repeated reminders
I teach this process in Executive Function Crash Course (ages 8 to 17). The goal is independence, not just getting through the day.
Strategy 2: Use daily expectations with immediate currency
Kids with ADHD live in the present. Rewards that are days away do not guide behavior. Daily expectations should be tied to things your child can earn that same day.
When behavior leads to screen time, gaming, or time with friends later that day, it makes sense to their brain. This creates clarity and reduces arguing.
Strategy 3: Exit the argument and negotiation cycle
Parents with ADHD are especially vulnerable to getting pulled into long talks and debates. These drain energy and teach kids that boundaries are flexible. The way out is to disengage.
That means:
- Stating expectations once
- Responding briefly
- Not engaging with repeated pushback.
When emotional pressure no longer changes the outcome, it loses its power.
Strategy 4: Use language of accountability
Language of accountability connects what your child does to what happens next.
It sounds like: "When you choose to put your backpack away, then you can go outside."
This keeps things clear and avoids power struggles.
Strategy 5: Be action-oriented with clear instructions
Directions should be direct and specific. Vague or open-ended directions create confusion and invite delay.
Clear instructions reduce stress for both you and your child and increase the likelihood of follow-through.
Parenting ADHD kids when you have ADHD
When routines are clear, it is easier to stay consistent. When kids know what is expected, there is less arguing. When they know what happens next, behavior improves.
This is the approach taught inside the ADHD Dude Membership through:
- Capable & Confident (ages 4-7)
- Scaffolding Better Behavior (ages 8–17)
- Executive Function Crash Course (ages 8 to 17)
ADHD Dude teaches evidence-informed parent behavior training for families raising kids with ADHD. The programs are designed to work for parents who have ADHD themselves and need tools that are simple, clear, and realistic to use at home.
Learn more at ADHDDude.com.
FAQ:
Q: How can I stay consistent as a parent when I have ADHD?
A: Clear routines make it easier to stay on track. You do not have to rely on memory or energy when the day gets busy.
Q: Why does my child rely on me for every task?
A: This is prompt dependence. It develops when reminders replace structure. Visual expectations help kids do more on their own.
Q: What should I do when my child argues or negotiates?
A: State expectations once and disengage. Continued engagement teaches that arguing works.
Q: How do I motivate my child without punishment?
A: Use language of accountability to connect behavior to privileges. Clear cause and effect work better than threats.
Q: Where can I learn ADHD friendly parenting strategies?
A: Through the ADHD Dude Membership and its core programs.
